Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘any cat swinging on this area would have you ever up on animal cruelty expenses’ - findpetinsurance.co.uk
Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘any cat swinging on this area would have you ever up on animal cruelty expenses’  Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘any cat swinging on this area would have you ever up on animal cruelty expenses’ Screen Shot 2019 04 04 at 10

Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘any cat swinging on this area would have you ever up on animal cruelty expenses’

Pricey diary,
I’m free! After eight weeks of boring, boring, boring field relaxation, I’m lastly free! No extra torture by way of native radio stations being left on all day, no extra makes an attempt at commando crawling out of my steady when she-who-has-eyes-in-the-back-of-her-head was seemingly not watching, and no extra weight loss program of handfuls of wilted grass picked by mini-mother. Freedom!
Admittedly freedom is a relative phrase. I’m out on grass however to be truthful, even essentially the most proficient of property brokers would have hassle describing the tiny patch as something aside from “bijou”. It’s fairly actually the dimensions of my steady and I can firmly guarantee you that any makes an attempt to do something aside from stand and eat ends in a substantial electrical shock attributable to mom and the boss woman’s abilities with fencing which seems wired to electrical chair voltage. Any cat swinging on this area would have you ever up on animal cruelty expenses quicker than you’ll be able to say frazzled feline. Mom has taken the “don’t let him run about till the plate is modified” very, very actually. To be truthful, my tiny patch is moved every day so at the very least I get grass, and occurring the state of the patches in my wake, I’m lacking out on a profession levelling bowling greens — my capability to cut back the world to a uniform 2mm is a ability set that I’m simply not exploiting.
Cool New Footwear Man is popping out right now to suit me with a brand new custom-made plate, which can sign the top of mum and the boss woman unscrewing the plate off my foot each different day. To be truthful, they’ve received fairly adept at it however I nonetheless don’t see Lewis Hamilton asking them to be on his pit crew any time quickly…
I’m additionally going to be fitted with some form of contraption to the entrance of my foot to cease the rabbit militia utilizing the cavern as a smoking shelter within the rain. Apparently CNSM has a “plan”. I can’t let you know how fearful this assertion makes me — this isn’t the A-team, he isn’t Hannibal and I can see this not coming collectively in any respect. I’m positive she-who-has-no-social-boundaries will submit the images throughout my Fb — properly both her or CNSM — though to be truthful, he does at the very least try and be arty in his images. I’m undecided what sort of artwork requires him sticking his tongue up my nostril, however he did guarantee me it was all very crucial…
In different information, I’ve received to observe with absolute amusement because the cowardly cow-patterned coblet has now been launched to the beast which is know because the “driving teacher”. A few years in the past I used to be subjected to the horror that was Evil Military Man, who remains to be to at the present time my dentist. I realized in a short time that it’s a lot simpler in the long term to capitulate swiftly after which simply pray they get bored earlier than you might be decreased to the dimensions of a Shetland drowning in your personal sweat. It is because I’m clever.
He nonetheless is clearly missing in something between his little twitchy ears and determined {that a} route of obstinate disobedience was a sensible means ahead. Massive mistake, big…
Mini-mother’s teacher is feminine, very nice and shall thus be often known as the Terminator — she simply doesn’t cease; which a lot to my intense amusement meant neither did the pint-sized ache in my posterior. By the point he and mini-mother collapsed again into the barn, I had laughed myself hoarse and was already trying ahead to the following session. I sense his lack of self-preservation and typical cob stubbornness will guarantee many hours of countless leisure — properly for me anyway.
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Hovis’ Friday diary: you must all be very ashamed

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After additional blotting his copy e-book by having a complete meltdown about having a bathe on the Sunday, I’m having fun with my place again on the high of the “most favoured feathered fellas” checklist. Mom manipulation is an artwork kind and critically, he’s an beginner…
So I’m off to take pleasure in my grass patch, await Cool New Footwear Man to return and work his magic on my holey foot and fantasise about hacking round Windsor along with her majesty.
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